in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
