My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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