I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
