dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
