zippers are such a cool invention
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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