i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
