I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
