i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
