bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
