I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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