Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
