Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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