Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
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Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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