Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
