I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
