just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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