Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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