When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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