Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
