if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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