i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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