4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
