you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
