i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
