I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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