her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
