i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This toilet bowl is my home.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
