i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
