i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
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I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
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For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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