He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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