I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
