Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
