These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
