so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
