tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
