So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
