I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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