its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
