So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
