dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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