im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
