i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize