Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
