I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
