Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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