sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
