Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
