If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
