you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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