There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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