dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
