Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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