Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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