it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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