I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
