I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
