you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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