Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize