if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
