More tranny stories later!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
