My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
