i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
