i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
