watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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