Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
